Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just google imaged poop.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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