i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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