You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
