I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
