mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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