what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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