I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
