I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
