What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize