those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize