weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
