I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
