Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
