I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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