Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I die, sorry about rent.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
