i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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