drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
