I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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