You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize