Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
