I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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