I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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