our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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