so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
