A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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