I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
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