she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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