that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
