just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
