the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize