I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I understand Curling. That high.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
