I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
