My first STD was from a foam party
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she looked like the before picture.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
All the doctor said was why
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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