I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
