I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
