i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
