the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
