Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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