carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
