Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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