she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
