I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
