you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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