i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
