Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
