Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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