if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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