I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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