Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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