i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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