it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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