ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
