so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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