stop calling my apartment porn island.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
