you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
