I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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