I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
