it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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