i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
