Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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