Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
