it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
