"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
