I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
