i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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