forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
