You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
