lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm eating all of the evidence.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
