Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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