sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
