i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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