His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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