I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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