when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
