Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
