Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
