he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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