And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
