I'm gonna have a badass scar
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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