We're like a lot better than the average bears
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
