How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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