Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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