White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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