If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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