Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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