its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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