the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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