we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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