She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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