she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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