yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
