Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
