You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
