These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
