that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize