Sponge bath it is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
