The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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