that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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