she woke up with a sticky ear
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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