he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
