So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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